Chucktoids: Health & Fitness Tips from Captain Awesome

Much of the series portrays Devon as the nearest thing to human perfection, a status implied by his former modeling stint with Abercrombie and Fitch as a college frat boy (vs. Bearded Bandit), his turn as Adam, the pinnacle of creation, at a Halloween party (vs. Sandworm), and the Marble Me sculpted at the bequest of Premier Goya (vs. Coup D’Etat). Though his mother boasts he was blessed with “really great genes” (vs. Aisle of Terror), Devon achieves physical awesomeness through significant effort of his own as well.

Take his diet. Captain Awesome suggests starting off each day with a ginseng protein shake promoting yang (and wang) energy (vs. Tom Sawyer), insisting the foul-smelling concoction also doubles as “the taste of a healthy colon.” Similarly, he imbibes only chamomile tea because it offers half the caffeine (vs. Tooth). When eating solid food, he urges only healthy ingredients: goat cheese, organic nonfat milk, and flaxseed oil for “a real midday kick start” (vs. Living Dead). And on the occasion he plans to binge at a Mongolian BBQ, he is a believer in fasting beforehand.

Devon’s marble-me physique isn’t entirely the result of what he eats, though, for he complements his diet with a rigorous training regimen that allows him to run a 4.4 second forty yard dash (vs. Angel del Muerte). Many episodes present him intensely spinning the wheels on his stationary bike, so much so that he won’t stop to answer the door to ensure his heart rate remains in the red zone. Alternatively, he performs his best bat imitation when hanging upside down to complete crunches for ab work. Not one to neglect his upper body, Devon also boasts of “tri-blasting” his biceps (vs. Coup D’Etat) and even develops a faux weight workout beneath the Buy More when fooling Jeffster to make his “biceps go nuclear.” Is it any surprise, then, that Chuck’s cell phone screen pictures Devon kissing them?

Chucktoids come to us from G. Walter Bush, author of Unpacking Chuck: The TV Series Interpreted and Unpacking Chuck 2.0: The Conversation Continues, both available via Amazon.